There are not many of us who are lucky enough to enjoy our jobs. This in turn means that there are plenty of us out there who complain and moan about our jobs believing that any job apart from our own would be better.
Well, today we are going to show you that the grass is not always greener with these 25 Jobs Which Make Your Job Seem Great.
Gas Station Attendant
Average Salary – $15k-$23k
If getting belittled by drunk high school students or robbed is your thing, you’ll love being a gas station attendant, which provides all the fun of a retail job with the added perks of free lukewarm, day-old hot dogs whenever you want, plus the bonuses paid to you in however many M&M’s you can stuff into your pockets.
Average Salary – $16k – $54k
It is probably hard to enjoy work and, you know, your life, when you spend your days digging holes which dead bodies will shortly be flung into. Still, at least you’re not a grave digger’s assistant. Right?
Average Salary – $18k-$86k
Slow down, man! We’re not talking the inexplicably put together man’s man kind of travelling salesman; we’re talking the ad, world-weary, Death of a Salesman kind. The kind who shows up at your door and sells a $4 brush or something, because you just can’t stand to see him like that.
Lindsay Lohan’s Personal Assistant
Average Salary – $20k-$62k
To an outside observer, Lindsay Lohan represents a fascinating, heart-breaking psychological study on the effects of fame and stress on an individual too young and emotionally ill-equipped to handle it. To her personal assistant, she probably represents that time she fired a gun into a Jamba Juice ceiling, again.
Elementary School Janitor
Average Salary -$16k-$37k
There is nothing quite like being in the presence of children whose minds are still being moulded so that they might one day grow up and lead us into a glorious new age once they’re done peeing and throwing up everywhere. Of course as the elementary school janitor it is your job to clean up that pee and sick.
Average Salary – $19k-$45k
The job of “Meter Maid” could well be one of the most humiliating jobs to ever exist, partly because “maid” is an out-dated word, and partly because of those silly buggies they make you drive. They’re the monopoly money of cars.
Average Salary – $20k-$50k
Among the various duties performed by a fluffer is the not very promising-sounding “keeping the actor hard before and between takes”. We’ll just leave it up to your imagination to figure out what that entails, but just….. Wow.
Average Salary – $20k-$55k
You can go to jail for setting fire to dead people most of the time, so if that’s your thing, this might just be the chance you’ve been waiting for. In the likely event that you’re actually a normal human being, don’t become a cremator.
Chris Brown’s Publicist
Average Salary – $27k-$83k
At this point it seems like Chris Brown isn’t going to give up until he is the most hated man in the entire world. It’s his mission, and if you find yourself in the one position where it’s your job to try to stop him, God help you, but even he’s not going to stick with this guy for much longer.
Employee of the DMV
Average Salary – $23k-$30k
Just think back to the last time you ever saw someone at the DMV who looked even remotely happy. Didn’t happen, did it? Looking up from your desk at work and seeing nothing but a crowd of people in various stages of existential despair takes its toll.
Average Salary – $11k-$28k
Being a lunch lady is a thankless task, but what do you expect when you’re serving overcooked broccoli to small people with no sense of gratitude. Also lunch is like, the third most important meal of the day, so it’s not like you’re really helping that much anyway.
Theme Park Janitor
Average Salary – $16k-$37k
If there’s one thing people know how to do at theme parks, it’s be outrageously disgusting and temporarily forget all about what “littering” is. If cleaning up after them doesn’t sound fun, imagine being surrounded by multi-purpose giant fun machines you’re not allowed to use.
Average Salary – $15k-$31k
This job, on top of being degrading and awful, defied even simple logic, because people don’t like being reminded they’re in Wal-Mart. If you were just some guy who went up to someone who’s just walked into Wal-Mart and yelled “Hey! You’re in Wal-Mart right now!” They’d probably punch you or, overcome with consciousness, cry.
Chuck E. Cheese Waiter
Average Salary – $7k-$15k
Chuck E. Cheese Waiter is maybe the most dangerous and harrowing job you could take without it helping in any way to get you laid. The next time you tell someone you’re a waiter at Chuck E. Cheese and they don’t react with overwhelming pity and despair, there’s something wrong with them. And definitely something wrong with you, either way.
Toll Booth Attendant
Average Salary – $16k-$69k
Toll Booths are no more fun for the people slowly approaching them and screaming at their kids for two quarters than they are for the people sitting inside them, their souls slowly being eaten by tourists yelling at them because they “didn’t know there’d be a toll booth.”
Average Salary – $15k-$48k
Your official job title could be “King Sandwich Taster of the Moon esq” and you’d still be an employee of McDonalds. There is no running away from McDonalds sucks no matter who you are, but probably especially if you are a cow.
Average Salary – $15k-$43k
When people say they’d give anything for a stable job in this economy, this absolutely what they don’t mean. Forget the fact you’re spending all day doing manual labour and you’re barely getting paid, but you’re touching poop all day. Poop!
Average Salary – $25k-$49k
Getting stabbed in the face with 1 million volts of electricity is an experience rivalled in its unpleasantness only by the number of “shocking” puns the scientists are going to yell at you as they repeatedly shorten your life. Through the uncontrollable muscle spasms and maybe, just maybe, an involuntary bowel movement, you’ll manage to yelp a pained “it works!” before they do it again, laughing this time, probably.
Average Salary – $19k-$51k
If you can read the Wikipedia page for “embalming” in its entirety and still not feel like throwing up, this is the career for you, you sicko. Sure, everyone could use a little extra money, but don’t forget about all those jars and fluids and dark fetish website subscriptions eating into your profits.
Average Salary – $16k-$41k
Some people pay good money to have some really twisted stuff yelled at them. Chances are those people envy telemarketers with frenzy. They are the only ones. It is actually quite amazing that it is even still a profession, given the fact that in the history of mankind no-one has ever, ever bought something from a telemarketer.
Average Salary – $16k-$30k
This is one of those jobs that are exactly as bad as it sounds. You know how sometimes you accidently make eye contact with someone in the bathroom and it is really creepy and awkward? Now imagine having to do that every single time someone comes in. OMG!
Average Salary – $73k-$200k
Do not let something as shallow as a massive salary fool you: this is a job in which you touch people’s feet all day. Not that there aren’t less appealing places of the body to touch, but at least the people who do that get to call themselves “doctors” and actually mean it.
Road kill Clean-up Crew
Average Salary – $13k-$17k
Nothing is sadder than the sight of a dead animal; it’s once unbound majesty within the hierarchy of nature torn from this world with one swift blow from a Michelin tyre. Oh, no wait, the guy scooping it up off the road and shoving it into an orange bag. That is much sadder.
Average Salary – $30k-$40k
Probably the one thing odour testers have to look forward to in their careers is smelling something real nice at some point. That and when it’s their birthday and they do an honorary blindfolded odour test. “Did you get it? It’s farts!”
Sperm Bank Janitor
Average Salary – $16k-$37k
Yep, this is number one. No arguments here. This whole thing is almost tragically undercut by the fact that sperm banks are noble, vital institutions that have provided untold hours of discomfort for the people they have, you know, do that in rooms as fast as they can. None of this, however, competes with whoever comes in at the end of the day to make sure everything’s ship-shape, not sticky, and ready for whoever’s coming in tomorrow to do what comes naturally, which logically should be “panic” and “leave”.