Love is an emotion which can knock you off your seat whenever you feel it for real. Many a poet, writer and songwriter has tried to express the emotion over the years but few have ever gotten close to actually putting the emotion in to words. In fact, in most cases, when people try to explain the emotion of love or how it feels they wind up sounding like pervert stood at a magazine stand. Here are 4 love songs with the creepiest lyrics you could imagine.
1 – You’re Sixteen – Ringo Starr
When The Beatles split one thing that was certain to happen was each of the Fab Four would pursue a solo career of some description. The idea of a solo career is a good one if your name happens to be John Lennon or Paul McCartney but George and Ringo must have known they would never again reach the dizzy height of fame they experienced with The Beatles.
A solo career of any sorts was always going to be most challenging for Ringo Starr. When The Beatles parted company poor old Ringo’s only song writing credit was Octopus’s Garden and even that song was really wrote by George Harrison.
With such limited credentials a lesser man would probably just retire but not Ringo Starr. For his solo career Ringo Starr decided to lay it all on the line with lyrics like this –
You come on like a dream, peaches and cream, Lips like strawberry wine. You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful and you’re mine (mine, all mine)
These lyrics alone make you ask some serious questions. Surely the lips of any sixteen year old shouldn’t taste of wine. After all we all know that you must be 21 or over to drink alcohol and any adult who buys a youngster alcohol probably has some questionable motives. This does not mean we are suggesting for a second that Ringo Starr spends his time intoxicating teenagers. Not yet any way.
You’re all ribbons and curls, ooh, what a girl, Eyes that sparkle and shine. You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful and you’re mine. (mine, all mine, mine, mine)
As you can see from the above lyrics there is a good chance that Ringo is talking about his daughter here. That explanation is a very real possibility with the only weird thing being that they kiss on the mouth because they really are just that close, right? Yes, we could possibly believe that for second as long as Ringo doesn’t reveal anything else.
You’re my baby, you’re my pet, We fell in love on the night we met. You touched my hand, my heart went pop, Ooh, when we kissed, I could not stop.
For the love of god, Ringo. The girl you are talking about is only sixteen. How old were you when you wrote this song?
2 – I Will Follow Him – Little Peggy March
Regardless of the many false claims that float around the internet Little Peggy March still holds the record of being the youngest female recording artists to reach number on the Billboard Charts, aged a tender 13 years.
The song that Little Peggy March recorded was named – I Will Follow Him, and this became the most successful song of her career and somehow managed to fulfil the fantasies of frustrated prison inmates all over the world.
At first the song’s lyrics seem innocent but their hidden meaning is quickly revealed.
I love him, I love him, I love him And where he goes I’ll follow, I’ll follow, I’ll follow.
Sure, when you first hear these lyrics they sound nice especially when you consider that we are living in a time when divorce and separation is common place. The song is happy to reflect on a time when this wasn’t always the norm.
I will follow him. Follow him wherever he may go. There isn’t an ocean too deep, A mountain so high it can keep, Keep me away.
Now, that does pull on your heartstrings a little. In a way it kind of makes you wish that you could see her swim across the ocean for love. Sure, there is a good chance that she might perish while swimming but at least you’d know while she splashed around in the water she was full of hope and love.
I must follow him. Ever since he touched my hand I knew, That near him I always must be. And nothing can keep him from me. He is my destiny.
There we go. To begin, destiny is a word reserved for Pokémon theme songs and suicide bombers. We can’t help but think that she sings this line with a blank stare that could pierce eternity. Second, flat out saying that nothing can keep him from you pretty much paints you as being a psychopath. It’s cute when you throw the ocean or a mountain in the way, but “nothing can keep him from me” is exactly what you would say when opening fire on a maximum security prison.
I love him, I love him, I love him, And where he goes I’ll follow, I’ll follow, I’ll follow, He’ll always be my true love, my true love, my true love, From now until forever, forever, forever
This, I am sure you will agree, is where she really starts to sound crazy. Here she is telling the world that there is nothing that the poor guy or anyone else can do to convince her to leave him alone. She even makes sure he definitely heard what she is saying by repeating it three times.
The other thing that really screams out here is that she does little to explain why this guy is so worthy of her unlimited devotion. As far as we can tell she touched his hand the once and that was it. Maybe he shook her hand once upon a time or maybe he simply brushed up against her in a crowded shopping mall. The truth is, we will probably never get to know why she is so obsessed with this guy. All we do know is that she is going to hang around him like a fart in a car forever and ever and ever.
3 – Nights on Broadway – The Bee Gees
One listen to the high pitched vocals featured in the song Stayin’ Alive firmly assures you that you are indeed listening to hardcore sex appeal. In fact you can listen to nearly any song that the Bee Gees recorded and instantly find yourself with an uncontrollable desire to make a little love. Of course if the song is accompanied by the music video any desire to dish out a little love may well vanish like a fart in the wind.
Plenty of Bee Gees fans will tell you that one of their most heartfelt songs about love is a song by the name of Nights on Broadway. Nights on Broadway is the song that goes – “Here we are, In a room full of strangers Standing in the dark Where your eyes couldn’t see me.”
Now, I don’t know what that sounds like to you but to me it sounds like the Bee Gees are singing about being in a dark room full of people they don’t know. The only valid explanation to this is the singer is attending some weird sex orgy or he has gate crashed someone’s house party and the electricity is off.
This in itself may not sound all that creepy but there is more to consider here. The song goes on to say – “Well, I had to follow you Though you did not want me to But that won’t stop my lovin’ you I can’t stay away.”
Basically what the Bee Gees are stating here is that they are stalkers. Notice that I say THEY rather than just HE. This indicates that the Bee Gees as a group are stalking some poor girl, creepy or what.
At least the Bee Gees seem to have the legal side covered for when they find themselves in court on stalking charges when they sing – “Blamin’ it all on the nights on Broadway Singin’ them love songs Singin’ them “straight to the heart” songs Blamin’ it all on the nights on Broadway Singin’ them sweet sounds To that crazy, crazy town”.
Yeah, that’s right. Blame it all on Broadway.
4 – Father Figure – George Michael
Over the years George Michael has loved his fair share of people. When he first began his career he loved women then as the years progressed and his solo career was in full swing he showed his love for undercover police officers by exposing himself to an officer in a public toilet.
Amazingly, back in 1988 George Michael was expressing his love in a different way altogether. Take a look at the lyrics for his song, Father Figure. With a title like that you can probably guess how the lyrics are going to take on that creepy tone.
That’s all I wanted, something special, Something sacred in your eyes, For just one moment, to be bold and naked At your side.
In the opening line from this song not only is the listener given that haunting image of George Michael standing naked they are also tipped off that something is about to go horrifically wrong. This all becomes clear with George’s use of the word “sacred”. We all know the word “sacred” serves only two purposes in love songs. It can either ensure no one will ever take the song seriously or it can make the listener compare the song to something a goblin would run around with in Lord of the Rings.
If you quickly move on to the lyrics: Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me
What is going on here is something known by the term foreshadowing. What happens here is George decides to repeat himself a few times, obviously trying to lure you into a false sense of security, before hitting you right between the eyes with the true horrific and hidden meaning behind this love song.
I will be your father figure (oh baby)
You have to admit it takes a brave and bold man who announces his romantic intentions by telling his love he wishes to be her father figure. If this line does not have your eyebrows raised and cringing a little it is good to know that George has even more to say on the subject.
“Will you go to prom with me? I promise to be just your father.” “Will you marry me, or at least allow me to be your father?” “How much for a reach around? I can assure you, I’m very fatherly.” Yeah, still not working. Thankfully George has a back-up plan: Put your tiny hand in mine (I’d love to) I will be your preacher teacher (Be your daddy)
The above line alone is enough to have you thinking George is indeed singing about a totally inappropriate relationship. Just how small a hand is George talking about here? If you need any further proof that George is singing about something he shouldn’t be he even goes as far to throw in a line recognising that what he is pursuing is very wrong.
But sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime.
George, if I were you I’d really be seeking some professional help if I were you.