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5 Beyond Crazy Wedding Rituals That Actually Exist

For most people a wedding is supposed to be a wonderful and magical event that is filled with love, joy and happiness along with free alcoholic beverages and all you can eat buffets.

Of course there are always two sides to every story and there are plenty of people who look on weddings as what most normal people would consider just plain crazy. Here are 5 examples of crazy wedding rituals that really exist.

The Holding in a Turd Wedding

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Weddings are supposed to be beautiful events that celebrate the union of two people who are deeply in love. There are tribes in the Tidong community of Borneo which think of a wedding as the first day of a gruelling journey to the deepest and darkest part of hell and back. This basically involves the happy couple been forced to not have a poo for a whopping 72 hours.

The newlyweds are confined to their house and they must not urinate or empty their bowels for the entire 3 days and 3 nights. To make sure that the couple do not cheat they are carefully watched over by family members and are given little or no food and water.

The Tidong people that if the couple manage to last the 72 hours then they will have a happy life together with many non-dead kids.

This whole practise may seem totally mad but when you think about this it makes perfect sense. Nothing brings people closer together like going through difficult times together and what is more difficult than holding in a turd for nearly half a week.

The Kidnap Yourself a Bride Wedding

NIKULIN VARLEI VITSIN "KIDNAPPING CAUCASSIAN STYLE"

For most people a marriage is something that happens once you have met that special someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. For other people marriage is the result of that condom which broke while you had a quickie in the backseat of a car after that house party. However a marriage may start out there is usually a lot of romantic shenanigans between meeting someone and walking them down the aisle.

This is not, however, the case in every culture you may encounter. In fact there are some cultures out there that think marriage should be something which happens between total strangers as the result of a criminal activity which normal people call: kidnapping a bride.

One such tradition has existed in Roma, also known as gypsies, communities for many centuries. The tradition among these gypsies state that if a man manages to forcefully kidnap a woman and keep her by his side for 2-3 days then she will officially become his wife.

Back in the olden days the practise of kidnapping your very own bride was probably a pretty logical idea as it meant there was none of that meeting the parents crap or having to decide where to spend Christmas. Amazingly even in today’s modern world gypsies do not think there is anything strange about this practise. What is bizarre is that women within Roma communities also don’t find this practice strange and they are perfectly willing to accept that the guy who dragged them into the boot of his car at the bus stop is now the love of their life.

You might well be wondering why the authorities do not get involved in the illegal activity of bride kidnapping. The truth is there is not a government on the planet who would be willing to go up against what is considered a cultural practise by a large group of ethnic minorities. To do this would be a government’s equivalent of rubbing your genitals against an electric sander.

The Exorcise Ghosts by Marrying Animals Wedding

marry-animal

Everyone has their own superstitions especially when it comes to weddings. One such example is that it is considered good luck for the bride to wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Or what about the superstition that it is bad luck to see your wife-to-be before the ceremony?

There is a tribe named the Santhal tribe which live in India. This tribe has managed to take crazy wedding superstition to a whole new level. They believe that if a baby girl has a tooth rooted in her upper gum then it is a clear sign she will be eaten by a tiger because there is a ghost out there who really hates her. The only way to break this weird curse is for the girl with the rooted tooth to marry a dog.

One such true example of this practise is the story of Karnamoni Handsa, a 9 year old Indian girl who was forced to marry a stray Bacchan. Over 100 guests attended the wedding to celebrate the union and had a fantastic time getting hammered on homemade alcohol.

Luckily for all involved the wedding is nothing more than a mock ceremony and the girls do not have to consummate the union in any way. The ceremony is simply a way to ward off evil spirits so the girl can live a long and full live.

The Blackening the Bride Wedding

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The people of Scotland have long been considered by many as a little strange. Not only do the men of this country wear skirts they enjoy eating leftover bits of meat that have been wrapped in the lining of a sheep’s stomach. Scottish folk don’t stop there when it comes to weird things, oh no! When it comes to weddings the good folk of Scotland do not throw rice at the bride they prefer to throw stinking crud like eggs and sauces on their bride. This is known as “blackening the bride.”

Blackening of the bride is a very old Scottish tradition and is part of a hazing ritual which happens before the wedding ceremony. Basically the poor bride is supposed to be surprised by the worst friends you could ever hope to not have and they then cover her from head to toe with as much crap as they can find. Usually the crap in question will vary between sour milk, rotten eggs, tar and even feathers.

We have done much research to try and find out why such a tradition exists but we were unable to get a definite answer. We have come to our own conclusion that this tradition exists for one of two reasons. Firstly this may be done to prepare the bride for married life as this is probably the perfect way to show her that nothing that can happen after this moment could ever be as humiliating or cruel. Alternatively this may be done in an attempt to get the men in the mood for a little wedding night action. That is assuming that most Scottish men have some sort of fetish for chickens that smell like six week old milk.

The Fat Girl Farm Wedding

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In the western world most brides to be will barely stop short of amputating a leg in a bid to lose weight for their wedding day. After all in the western world it is considered that a thinner woman is a more visually appealing woman. That said it is worth noting that different cultures throughout the world judge beauty in a different way. For example in Mauritania, Africa, a larger huskier woman is considered to be attractive. Just like women in the western world women in Mauritania are prepared to go to any lengths to look beautiful for their big day. For these women this means eating as much as humanly possible and even entering what is known as a Mauritania fat farm.

A fat farm is really just the polar opposite of what westerners call fat camps. Instead of trying to lose weight the brides-to-be (some as young as 5) are there to gain weight under strict supervision. The whole aim of these fat farms is to make the girls fatter and therefore more attractive so they can get married as soon as possible.

This practise is known as Leblouh and the girls are force fed a truly huge amount of food which can include more than 4 pounds of millet and 5 gallons of camel milk a day. If the girls find that they vomit as a result of the overfeeding they are forced to eat that as well. Nothing goes to waste in these fat camps.

This practise had nearly disappeared until only a few years ago when a military junta took over the country and reinstated it.

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