There are three types of people in the world. There are those people who hate their job, those who love their job, and of course those who have no job. There is however one thing that connects all of these people and that is the fact they all occasionally think about and fantasise about what life would be like if they were to work a different job.
In most instances people who dream of different forms of employment go as far to dream of jobs that are fictional and only exist in a movie. On the surface these jobs may seem like they would be great fun but in the real world they may not be so awesome.
Who would not want to be a Ghostbuster? You get to spend your days running around chasing ghosts at using lasers not to mention that the job gives you what can only be described as celebrity status. The media will quickly begin to swarm around you whenever you step foot outside and on many occasions you will have thousands of people lining the street to chant your name.
Since the Ghostbusters appear to be the only effective ghost hunters in the world they can name whatever price they chose for their services. This means that the earning potential for the Ghostbuster company is huge.
What makes the job of Ghostbuster even more appealing is that the job itself is not that hard to get. There is no need for and special education or qualification. The only requirement for this job is that you confess to believing in anything if there is a steady pay check in it for you.
Technically the job of Ghostbuster basically makes you into a glorified exterminator. The only difference is that rather than chasing small rodents and cockroaches you get to strap a nuclear power station onto your back chase ghosts. The really fun part of the job comes in the fact that anyone who finds they have a haunting problem will let you run around their property tipping over tables and firing lasers at anything you fancy.
Why the Job Sucks
The job of Ghostbuster may seem like it would be awesome but there is plenty to make this job suck just like any other job. There is always the chance that could get slimed by a big green blob or that you will find yourself under attack form a building sized marshmallow man. Heck, even a medieval painting could decide to attack you.
All of the above actually appears irrelevant when you consider that the job could land you in jail. Not only that you are required to spending your working day carrying an unlicensed and untested nuclear accelerator around on your back. That means you are actually carrying a nuclear bomb on your back that could explode at any given moment.
Underneath the surface the job of Ghostbuster is not as awesome as it first seemed. There is a huge amount of risk to your life, health and freedom all for a pay check that is probably lucky if it meets the minimum wage.
The job of Jedi Knight is not open to just anyone. To even be considered for the job a person must have the correct genetic attributes to make that possible. This means your body must have a very high midi-chlorian count which will enable you to control, manipulate and use the force at will.
If you are lucky enough to have all the genetic attributes the job of Jedi Knight, after some intense training, is as good as yours.
You will be able to move things around using the power of thought, read people’s minds, predict the future and even control the weak minded using old Jedi mind tricks. You will even get a really cool weapon that is known as a lightsaber which you can wave around and use to impress the ladies.
Why the Job Sucks
Being a Jedi Knight may sound like a dream job that you have had since childhood but technically this job is no different to that of a school guidance councillor who thinks of himself as a warrior monk in his spare time. I am pretty sure that no one reading this, including guidance councillors, spent their childhood dreaming of becoming a guidance councillor. Besides if they knew anything about careers or guidance would they have ended up as guidance councillors?
Not only will you have one of the most boring jobs on the planet you will also find that you are constantly having to fight against temptation from the dark side. This may not seem like such a big deal but the dark side refers to anything that is cool. You are no longer allowed to get angry, fall in love or any of the stuff regular people do. All the special gifts you have learned how to use are effectively pointless because you are not allowed to use them for your own gain.
The greatest reason the job of Jedi Knight sucks is because Jedi Knights are required to practice celibacy. Would you really be willing to never have sex, not even masturbate, ever again in return for landing your dream job? The only possible way around the complete ban on sex is to run off and get married in secret and we all know what a bad idea that can turn out to be.
You have to ask yourself, is Natalie Portman really worth having to live out the rest of your days wearing a black, leather and rubber gimp suit?
Billionaire Playboy Secret Vigilante Crime Fighter
The job of Secret Vigilante Crime Fighter is the same job that is held by the likes of Batman, Iron Man and Green Arrow. The great thing about this job is that you do not need any special superpowers nor do you need to suffer a bite from a genetically modified spider or even to have been born on Krypton. All you need is to be a regular guy who just happens to have a billion dollars in his bank account.
You will get to spend your spare time partying like it was 1999 with some of the hottest women on the planet. The rest of the time you get to wear a really cool outfit, play with some really amazing gadgets, drive unbelievable vehicles and run around beating up bad guys. You will even get the chance to fool around with a woman dressed in a rubber cat suit and high heel knee high boots.
For the times that the cool outfit and rubber cat suite wearing women get a little too much you can always take cover in your alter ego which just so happens to be a billionaire who frequents the cover of Forbes Magazine.
Can you think of any job that would be cooler than this?
Why the Job Sucks
One thing that we know for certain is that there are some pretty serious criminals operating in Gotham City. Anyone who wants to become a secret vigilante crime fighter always forgets that the job involves some extreme danger.
Gotham City could easily be one of the most dangerous places on the planet making towns in Afghanistan look like Disney Land Paris just without the onions. Fighting crime in Gotham City does not mean you will be up against normal criminals such as bank robbers and guys who like to expose themselves to old women in the park. To fight crime in Gotham City you are going to be up against some real mentally unstable criminal masterminds. Gotham City seems to attract these super-villains like flies flocking around a doggie turd.
If the idea of fighting super-villains has not put you off it is worth knowing that ever single criminal, big or small, in Gotham City happens to be after your blood. Combine that with the fact the majority of the city’s officials are corrupt and you have enough pressure have even the most relaxed of rubber suit lovers reaching for the Prozac.
It is not just the criminals who will be out to get you in Gotham City. Vigilantism is actually illegal so you will not only have criminals after you blood you will have the police department out to arrest you.
Then there is the risk to your life. The chances of survival in this job are not very good at all. It is only a matter of time before you have an accident. It only takes one wrong move of faulty equipment when you jump off a building and then you are toast.
In the end you are going to either find yourself in prison, dead or at least in a full body cast. Is all of that worth it for a job you are not even getting paid for?
Stalker (The Running Man)
The job of Stalker like in The Running Man is a pretty cool looking job. You get to dress up like a drunken wrestler to chase criminals whilst waving a chainsaw above your head. If that does not wet your whistle there is always the option of using a razor sharp hockey stick to beat the criminal to death.
You also will find that you become an A-list celebrity who is worshipped by the masses. You will get paid huge amounts of money and enjoy all the spoils of worldwide fame.
Why the Job Sucks
If you forget about the job title of ‘Stalker’ this job is nothing more than that of a glorified public executioner. What makes this job description even worse is the fact that everyone knows who you are and what you do for a living. This in itself is going to make it very difficult to form any kind of relationship away from work. Sure, you might get the occasional one night stand because of your celebrity status but who in their right mind is going to want to be in a relationship with a person who kills people for a living? It is not as if you are going to find yourself regularly invited to a friend’s dinner party.
Not only will this job make you somewhat lonely it is an extremely dangerous job. The very nature of the job involves running around a wasteland whilst waving sharp tools around and using an industrial flame thrower. When has using a flame thrower ever ended well for anyone? It is even reported on The Running Man game show that several stalkers were killed the previous year so we know for a fact just how dangerous this job is.
There is also the small matter that if you were to die your boss would probably try, and succeed, to cover the whole thing up just so he can slightly boost the television shows ratings which is on the air for the sole reason of hiding the actions of a tyrannical government.
Crusading Newspaper Reporter
If the Superman movies and television show have taught us anything it is that the job of crusading newspaper reporter could well be the easiest job in the world. The top stories land in your lap as if by magic and if you happen to get yourself into a dangerous situation you just need to scream and a lycra clad superhero will show up to help you out.
Winning the top awards in journalism is as easy to you as landing the top stories and despite the fact you earn only $25,000 a year you still have a New York apartment larger and better than the one used in Friends. You also get to own and drive a car that even Tom Crusie would struggle to afford.
As if this deal is not sweet enough you will also be invited to all of the biggest events and parties from space shuttle launches to celebrity birthday parties.
Why the Job Sucks
We know by now that just because something looks easy in the movies does not mean it is easy in real life. The truth is that news stories, even the smallest of stories, are not just going to fall out of the sky into your lap. The only way you are going to get any story is if you get up and go out and find it using painstaking research and detective work. Just think how boring that would be.
Any excitement from this job is going to come from your investigations into high level criminals. This means you are, in many cases, going to find yourself face to face with people who would quite happily kill you to stop you publishing your story. Your life will be always at risk.
The fact that you happen to be close personal friends with the local superhero is also going to put you at extreme risk. There are plenty of people out there who are more than happy to use you as live bait to get the attention of Superman.