When Walt Disney created his world famous Disneyland theme parks he was creating a place he thought would be filled with happiness and joy for children, adults and families. Maybe that is why the place is often referred to as the happiest place on earth and if we are honest there was indeed a time when Disneyland was the happiest place on this planet.
Of course, as we all know, nothing lasts forever and these days it is difficult to genuinely say that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Actually it will be lucky if it even ranks in the top 10 of happy places for most of us but what exactly has us feeling this way? Is it because there are simply other place that have been created that are happier or has Mr Disney let his Disneyland slide?
1 – The Cost of Admission
You might find this hard to believe but when Disneyland first opened in 1955 the price of admission was only $1. Imagine that, being able to have a family of four visit the park for only $4. Heck, at that price you could even afford to take grandma, granddad and that funny looking kid who lives across the street.
By the time 1985 came around the price of a single admission had jumped up to $16.50 but that is still considered cheap by today’s standards. In 2005 the price of a ticket stood at $56, still cheap by the standards of 2013 which sees visitors paying $81 for children under the age of 9 years and a whopping $87 for anyone aged 10 years or more.
When you look at the massive jump in ticket prices over the years it is easy to jump to the conclusion that someone somewhere in the Disney corporation is wiping their ass on $100 bills. What is even more astonishing that huge hike in ticket prices is that Disney theme parks are still using the same rides that they were using more than 50 years ago. In fact they are yet to come up with or introduce a new ride which does not involve firing pretend guns at characters from second rate movies.
2 – The Ridiculous Crowds
Disneyland and crowds go together like Justin Bieber and rumours of homosexuality. As we all know there are crowds and then there are crowds and since Disneyland can accommodate anywhere between 50,000 and 80,000 people at any one time you can bet your ass the crowds you will encounter will be the worst type of crowds ever. We are talking about crowds of people who don’t seem to understand how to use deodorant or that the park has not been opened for just them. These are the crowds made up of people who seem to have no idea where they are or where they are going. These are the people who abruptly come to a halt right in front of you to take a look at their map or look up at the sky. These are the people who take three days to get onto a ride and three weeks to get off a ride. These are the people who always manage to cut in front of everyone in the line or turn up in groups of 20 to join their one friend who has been keeping them a space in the line.
Yes, Disneyland has ridiculous crowds of ridiculous people who seem to be there for the sole purpose of annoying you and making sure that you spend the day wanting to pull your arm off just so you have something to throw at them. Crowds at Disneyland suck!!!
3 – Wheelchair Poachers
We all know that the sole purpose of Disneyland is to make as much money as humanly possible. This is why ticket prices are so high, this is why every shop in the park charges a premium price for every item of merchandise and why you are not allowed to take your own food and drink in and have to pay ten bucks for a god darn floppy hamburger.
Apart from the horrific price of admission, merchandise and food the good folk at Disney have discovered that there are people who visit the park who are in need of wheelchairs to get around. This is why they now charge around $40 to hire a wheelchair for the day. Anyone who has a relative who desperately needs a wheelchair to help them get around will no doubt be happy to pay the $40 price just to help them get around in as much comfort as possible.
Of course, like everything in life, there are people who want to use the wheelchairs just because they are too lazy to drag their fat ass around on the legs god gave them. In fact I would not be out of line saying many of the fat people who poach these wheelchairs are so fat for the simple reason that they are just that lazy.
The many times that I have been to Disney I have seen plenty of people who genuinely need the use of a wheelchair turned away because some fat guy who is too lazy to walk (and is perfectly capable of doing so) got to the front of the line first.
The truth here is Disney doesn’t care who uses this overpriced facility as long as they are first in line to cough up the forty bucks. It would be a much better idea and a much fairer idea if Disney requested proof that a person was in genuine need of a wheelchair before they started to dish them out to every fat guy decided to park his fat dimpled ass in the chair.
4 – The Long, Long Lines
Anyone who has been to any theme park of any description will be well aware of the stupidly long lines to get on a ride. Disneyland takes the annoying concept of long lines at theme parks to a whole other level and nearly doubles the length of lines to get onto rides.
The ridiculous length of the lines to get on a ride is quite obviously the very reason why some genius at Disney came up with the idea of what we all know as the Fastpass. The Fastpass, in case you did not know, is an even more overpriced admission ticket which allows you to walk on past all those suckers waiting in line for a ride and theoretically jump straight on any ride. This seems like a great idea especially if you can afford a Fastpass but I assure you that it only seems like a good idea for the first five minutes of the park opening. After those first five minutes you suddenly realise that at least ten thousand other visitors to the park have also purchased these special tickets and, just like everyone else, you have to wait in line for hours at a time. The only difference here is that you get to wait in line with thousands of other people who have paid double the price of a standard ticket.
It is all a bit of kick between the legs when you look on it this way. The simple truth is that if you intend to visit Disneyland then you best be prepared to wait in line regardless of how much you pay for an admission ticket.
5 – The Price of Food
I will always remember the very first time that I went to Disneyland. I was carrying a bag on my back and in that bag I had a couple of bottles filled with pop and a sandwich. Of course what I had not anticipated was that security would search my bag for weapons as I tried to enter the park. One can only imagine my horror when security told me that I was not allowed to take my own food or drink into the park. I assume that security had been instructed to search my bag for food and drink using the excuse of searching in the name of terrorism.
Once inside the park, as I am sure so many others are aware, it suddenly dawned on me why Disneyland is so determined to make sure that if you want to eat or drink in the park then you must only eat or drink food that you overpaid Disney for.
The moral of this story is that if you plan on going to Disneyland for the day then be prepared to be robbed for absolutely everything including the food you eat. Expect to pay $8 for a small bottle of water and $10 for a small and dry slice of pizza. If you fancy eating something a little more substantial then expect to pay at least $35 for a meal for two and by a meal for two I really mean a burger in a 50’s style dinner. If you want a beverage to wash your food down with then you can expect to pay extra.
If you hate getting robbed for your food then this is one huge reason to hate Disney and Disneyland.
6 – Rides that are Closed
I honestly believe that adults who go to Disneyland go there wanting to ride no more than two or three rides. After that there is really nothing to do other than follow the kids around for the rest of the day. Maybe you could even kill an hour or two people watching but once those two or three rides are done and dusted Disneyland suddenly loses its magic.
You can imagine the horror on anyone’s face when they get to their much anticipated ride only to find out that it is closed. If you were at any other place on Earth this would not matter all that much but because you have had to give away entire paycheck and sell your firstborn to be there you bet your sweet ass you are going to be mad.