Most of us will be happy to admit that we are a little jealous of the lifestyle that celebrities lead. After all celebrities seem to have it all. They have fame, admiration and more money than they can ever dream of being able to spend.
Like everything else in life that seems amazing it is worth realising that the grass is not always greener and there are plenty of things that celebrities have to deal with that would have us beating our heads against the wall. One such thing is that some people are so envious of celebrities that they will go to the most ridiculous lengths to try and make a quick buck from them and this, in many cases, means that celebrities find themselves on the wrong side of the most ridiculous lawsuits imaginable. In most of these cases it is hard to believe that they were ever given even a millisecond in court. It is difficult to decide who is the most ridiculous. Is it the nutcase who brought about the lawsuit or the lawyer who actually took the case thinking it was a worthwhile and winnable idea?
1 – Ursula Auburn v. Charlie Sheen
If you think the name Ursula Auburn sounds familiar then that is because this woman really does get around. Not only does she claim to have been connected to Jack Nicholson, Charlie Sheen and Nicholas Cage she also claims that several television characters are based on her.
One of those characters is the character of Rose in the hit television comedy Two and a Half Men. Ursula Auburn goes as far to claim that Rose based on her from the outfits she wears to the sound of her voice to the way she acts and her personality. Basically she is claiming that the character of Rose is her 100%.
This all may sound a little strange especially the fact that she is claiming a character that is a little crazy and a stalker is based on her. I suppose that if you consider Auburn herself seems to be a little crazy and a real life stalker then the lawsuit that she slapped on Charlie Sheen makes perfect sense. Even if you don’t see the logic here Charlie Sheen and his lawyers did as they settled with her out of court for an undisclosed amount. Maybe she was telling the truth after all.
2 – Rob Delaney v. Kim Kardashian’s Divorce
Poor Kim Kardashian has a very hard life. Not only does she get paid millions and millions of dollars for effectively doing absolutely nothing she also gets threatened with a variety of lawsuits, some of them beyond ridiculous.
When Kim Kardashian reached 72 days of marriage she decided that enough was enough and it was time for divorce which led to a supposed comedian named Rob Delaney slapping her with a lawsuit. The lawsuit claimed that the divorce was bringing unnecessary distress to Delaney and that he would be seeking $18 million in compensation. He even wrote on the Vice.com website “I could forgive that if Kim gave her marriage a real go. I’ve been married for five years. To the same woman. I’ve wanted to divorce her at times. She’s wanted to divorce me at times. But one great thing about marriage, when it’s entered by regular folks, in good faith, is that it’s hard to exit. It costs money.”
Not only did Delaney attempt to sue Kim Kardashian he made an attempt to sue E! Entertainment Television for promoting what he described as a shame marriage and actually introducing the couple in the first place.
Personally I think anyone who becomes so emotionally distressed over a celebrity divorce really has way too much time on their hands.
3 – Allen Heckard v. Michael Jordan
The 1990’s was the decade when The Chicago Bulls were considered the greatest team in basketball and Michael Jordan was considered to be the greatest player in the game. At the time he was so popular and so successful that it was nearly impossible to step outside without being recognised and then surrounded by hundreds of fans. Yes, it is fair to say that the 90’s was the decade that anyone who was anyone wanted to be just like Michael Jordan.
There was however one person did not want to be like Michael Jordan and did not want Michael Jordan to be like him. This man was called Allen Heckard and he, in his mind at least, was sick and tired of looking like Michael Jordan. So sick was Allen Heckard that he decided to sue Michael Jordan for permanent injury, emotional pain and suffering and defamation since he was sick to the back teeth of random people approaching him and asking if he was Michael Jordan.
The ridiculous thing about this lawsuit was that, sure, both Michael Jordan and Allen Heckard were African-Americans and both had a fondness for fancy earrings but after that there were absolutely no similarities. In fact Michael Jordan was some 6 inches taller than Heckard and to put this case into the perspective that it deserves it is very similar to me trying to sue David Hasselhoff because we both are white males with black hair and both look great running down a beach in speedos.
Allen Heckard was not content with just suing Michael Jordan he also went after the sporting brand Nike claiming that the whole sorry affair was there fault for turning Michael Jordan into a worldwide superstar.
In total Allen Heckard was seeking a whopping $832 million in damages but later dropped his lawsuit without ever giving a reason why. You can be forgiven for wondering what the end result would be had the lawsuit actually went through the court.
4 – Valerie Turks v. Sean Diddy Combs
When you are as high profile as Sean “Diddy” Combs you are bound to get plenty of attention both good and bad. It is also never going to be a surprise to anyone if they hear that P Diddy has just being slapped with a lawsuit especially if that lawsuit involves something along the lines of intellectual theft of lyrics or beats or perhaps being just a little too smug.
What would come as a surprise is if you were to hear about the case of Valerie Turks v. Diddy Combs. In this lawsuit Turks claimed that Diddy had fathered a son with her and while that in itself is not that unbelievable the rest of the lawsuit is. Turks also claimed that Diddy had, in his procession, a casino chip worth millions of dollars which she had won in Mississippi. On top of that she also made the claim in her lawsuit that Diddy was involved in the destruction of the World Trade Centre on 9/11. Apparently, according to Turks, Diddy and Rodney King had made their way through the building knocking it down as they went so that it fell on top of her and her children crushing them and putting them in the hospital where the unlikely pair then raped both her and her children in hospital beds.
If any of this woman’s claims are true then it is more than reasonable for her lawsuit. She is asking for the paltry sum of $900 billion in child support and $100 billion for loss of income making her the grand total a whopping one trillion dollars. Now that might sound like a heck of a lot of money but when you consider that she is claiming the casino chip is worth at least a zillion dollars you have to see that P Diddy is actually getting off very lightly indeed.
The moral of this story is that you should never knock down huge skyscrapers and pretend it is the work of terrorists and you should never then go and abuse people who have been hospitalised as a result of the buildings collapse. Sort of common sense in a way.
5 – Jonathan Lee Riches
If you have heard of Jonathan Lee Riches that is probably because of one of two reasons. You have either being sued by him or you are one of these strange people who enjoy reading the Guinness Book of World Records from cover to cover repeatedly. If you recognise him from the Guinness Book of Records then you will know that he is named there as the man who holds the world record for the “most suing man in the world.
Currently Jonathan Lee Riches is serving time in jail for wire fraud but that does not stop him from being constantly harassed by the outside world. It is actually surprising that so many people even make the effort to speak to this guy because he really does not take any intrusion into his life lightly and if you slight him in the slightest or breathe at him the wrong way he will sue you at the drop of a hat.
Not only has Riches sued the Guinness Book of World Records for giving him the title of most suing man in the world he has also filed lawsuits against Steve Jobs (he claimed that Steve Jobs hired O.J. Simpson as a hitman to take out a building using pyrotechnics that were stolen from Great White as well as aiming nuclear missiles at Lance Armstrong’s bike and price gouging iPhone users), Martha Stewart (he sued her for $3.5 million for emotional and mental distress after getting poison ivy and falling in a groundhogs hole on her property. If he wins though, he claims to give all monies to Rachel Ray), and he even sued Hank Aaron’s bat. As to why he sued Hank Aaron’s bat is anyone’s guess and is actually beyond explanation.
If you head on over to Google and performs a quick search you will get a comprehensive list of the many lawsuits that he has filed over the years.
6 – Fort Worth Man v. Dead Elvis
Whenever a popular celebrity dies there is an effect that is felt all over the world especially if that celebrity happens to be as big as the likes of Michael Jackson, Kurt Cobain, James Dean or Elvis Presley. In many of these cases there are hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people who simply cannot accept that their favourite celebrity has passed on and the will do anything to avoid believing the truth. This is what leads many people to believe in strange and bizarre conspiracy theories that centre on a celebrity being murdered or a deceased celebrity still being alive.
One of the best examples of this is the death of Elvis Presley and the thousands of people who genuinely believe that the king is still out there somewhere living his life away from the bright lights of fame. Some people believe that he was snatched by aliens while others think that he faked his death to avoid the mafia, the government or simply being recognised everywhere he went.
Of course there is seldom anything in the way of genuine proof to backup many of these wacky claims but that doesn’t mean there is nothing in the way of proof. What better proof could you have that a supposedly dead celebrity is still alive other than talking to him.
This is exactly what a certain man from Fort Worth, Texas claims to have happened. He not only claims that the king is still alive he also claims that Elvis Presley actually called on the phone and has called him many, many times and these continuous calls have affected him mentally and pushed his phone bill sky high. In fact the calls that this guy has received from the deceased king of rock n roll have caused him so much distress that he has had no other choice but to sue the Elvis Presley for damages.
At the time of writing there is no indication as to how successful this lawsuit has being but if anyone else happens to speak to the king on the phone could you please ask him and leave a comment below.
7 – The Gardener v. Elizabeth Taylor
For most of us the idea of being employed by someone who is rich and famous seems like our idea of heaven even if it does mean that you are asked to carry out an unusual task from time to time that is not in your job description.
This is exactly what happened when Willem Muyden worked as a gardener for Elizabeth Taylor. He worked as her gardener for many years without any problems until one day when he was fired completely out of the blue. Van Muyden made the claim that Elizabeth Taylor often used her in-house butler to tend to her sexual needs. The problem with this was that the butler in question happened to be a homosexual and this one particular day he was having a little bit of trouble making his equipment work, if you catch my meaning. To help with this problem he asked Muyden to help him get started but unfortunately Muyden was not so keen on the idea and rebuffed his advances. The end result was that the butler made sure that Muyden was promptly fired from his job as Elizabeth Taylor’s gardener. It was at this point Muyden filed a lawsuit which claimed he was wrongly and unlawful dismissed from his job.
In total the gardener was suing for $400,000 but a statement that was released stated no money was given in compensation.