There certainly is no denying that the internet has brought together the human race like no other invention in the history of mankind. Because of the internet it is possible to hold a conversation with friends on opposite sides of the world while downloading peculiar German adult movies in bulk.
While the possibilities the World Wide Web offers us are undoubtedly endless there is still the chance that you will still find yourself bored from time to time with nothing to do. So what do you do when faced with such a situation? Well, you take to Facebook, Twitter and any other social media website and do your very best to annoy everyone and anyone for the simple reason that it amuses you.
This then leads us to learning that the internet’s greatest gift to us it the way it give us the ability to annoy someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
1 – Be a Militant Atheist
Since the very beginning of time matters of religious belief have being behind straining even the tightest of relationships and some of the bloodiest disputes the world has ever witnessed. At the risk of generalising religion when it comes to the internet there appears to be only two sides of the fence you can fall on. First there is the “theists”, who decry non-believers for being blasphemers and sinners and on the other side there is the “atheists” who are happy to argue that fundamentalist beliefs of any description are ultimately damaging.
If you are aware that these two sides exist it is perfectly possible to exploit the situation and get a huge mileage out of it. Why not take to your chosen social platform and be an atheist but not just any atheist. Be an atheist who is unapologetic, zealous and offense. As you can quite easily see this is bound to cause a huge issue with the theists out there but there is a hidden beauty in this. Because atheists tend to be respectful of other people’s beliefs (they simply choose not to share them) they will probably be a little mad at you as well. Basically what you have here is a tiny scrap of food that you throw in a cage containing two hungry wild animals. Both animals will go for the food and it won’t take them very long at all to turn on each other.
2 – Deny Climate Change is Real
The majority of people out there believe that climate change is a real concept and our climate is indeed changing. These people will tell you that anyone who thinks otherwise clearly misunderstands the ample evidence out there and it is undeniable. Now before we all go jumping on our high horses ready for an argument let us take the time to appreciate the fantastic opportunity that is before us.
If you are out to annoy someone you can simply take to your chosen platform and get rolling. Maybe you could start with a simple denial that climate change exists or perhaps you could claim that temperatures and CO2 have been higher in the past. You could even go as far to suggest that no evidence exists to prove that any change in our climate is because of human activity. The list here is quite literally endless.
Whatever it is you say about climate change you are sure to get people mad and before you know it a full scale argument will break out. Now that is good trolling.
3 – Defend Free Speech For Bad People
There are not many people who will tell you that free speech is a bad thing. In fact nearly everyone you speak to will quickly tell you what a wonderful thing free speech is – until it is used by a racist, terrorise, homophobic people, sexists and pretty much any other group who the mass population does not agree with. Yes, ladies and gentleman what we have here is a clear case of “do as I say, not do as I do.”
The problem here is that no one person should really be allowed to determine what another person in allowed to say under the guise of free speech. Likewise there is little to say any one person should have the right to decide a person is right or wrong in their views or words and this in turn leads us to ask why should one person be allowed to express themselves while someone else should not?
All that is required in this trolling effort is to take to your chosen social media platform and state that free speech has to be for everyone not just those who agree with the masses. That means Neo-Nazis, BNP, paedophiles, murderers and Islamic extremists who preach against the west should all be allowed the privilege of free speech. Just throw out one sentence and watch the following debate explode into a full scale nuclear war.
4 – There is No Issue With Greedo Shooing First
Every Star Wars fan is familiar with the scene in the Mos Eisley cantina when Han Solo shoots Greedo. In the 1996 special edition re-release of the movie George Lucas created huge controversy when he altered the scene making it so Greedo fired first. The end result was a complete loss of impact from the original scene which had die hard Star Wars fans in tears.
Why not take to a Star Wars fan page on Facebook and state that you see no problem with Greedo shooting first and even go as far to use the Lucas argument that when Han shot first he appeared to be a cold blooded killer. Go ahead and try it then sit back and watch the fire burn.
5 – Release a Top 10 List on Any Subject
For some strange reason everyone on the internet loves a top 10 list while at the same time nothing creates a disagreement like a top 10 list. It really does not matter what a top 10 list is about, you can be certain it will create an argument. Give it a try and you will have random people emailing you demanding to know if you are crazy since you have gave the top spot to a butt plug which doesn’t vibrate or glow in the dark.
6 – Be Unintentionally Racist
You might have to be a little careful with this one because racism is a somewhat touchy subject. The best way to use the subject of racism to troll and cause trouble is to not come across as outwardly racist in your online comments. Perhaps you could say something like “I am not being racist here but…….” to start things rolling. Follow this up with a remark about a group or race and try to say something a little stupid.
Just try making a comment such as “Have you ever noticed how it is only black people who complain about discrimination?” sit back and watch the argument explode.
7 – Criticise a Rival Sports Team
The choice of which sports team to follow is pretty meaningless in the big scheme of things but sports fans are extremely passionate about their choice like life depended on it.
This very face makes starting an argument simple. All you do is pick two rival teams, pretend to support one and then level some criticism towards the other. It doesn’t really matter what it is you choose to pick on as long as you have something to criticise you can be certain fireworks will follow.
8 – Make the Claim Either Men or Women Are Superior
You can argue until you are blue in the face but men and women are two very different creatures and each person will wear their gender like a badge of pride.
If you are not the creative type stick to supporting your own gender and come out with all guns blazing. If you are a man make a statement that women are terrible drivers or that women can’t do something as good as men. You can of course say the same about men if you happen to be a woman but either way one thing you can be sure of is that someone will be sure to bite at your comments.
9 – Post Slightly Incorrect Facts
Thanks to the internet there is no shortage of pointless and useless facts. It is very possible that this is the very reason people these days seem to get so irritated when people post facts that are slightly inaccurate. This of course creates a huge opportunity to annoy people. You could quite easily head on over to a facts website and spend a day posting the facts you find but making sure you alter them ever so slightly.
This may seem really childish and a complete waste of time but be assured that there are plenty of people out there who will happily use the comment section of your Facebook status to write you a 2000 word essay as to why your facts about Russian basket weaving are actually wrong.